OFFICIAL ANNOUNCEMENT! I’m 100% winterized.
This doesn’t mean I’m ready to move to the inland wilds of the Yukon Territory, but I’m pretty sure if forced to live north of the Mason-Dixon line, I could manage. Winter has really taken advantage of its time with us this year. Sledding opportunities have been plentiful and the small grocer nearby has been wiped out of bread and milk more than a handful of times. I don’t understand that kind of panic. I never have. What good is having three gallons of milk in safekeeping if your power goes out?
And, my god, I’m from Florida, where we tie patio furniture to our porch posts, prepare the grill in case the fridge and stovetop quit working (electricity goes out for days), and then fill our bathtubs with water in case a hurricane blows the walls down (because it happens). Milk is the last thing on our minds when we’re boarding windows. Three inches of snow doesn’t scare me.
You know what does scare me, though? SPRING TIME.
While doing laundry over the weekend, I stood in my basement and mentally prepared for tornado season. Remove the carpet to let the drain open; stock up on peanut butter and assign three spoons for the dogs; make room for the chairs and invite neighbors to sit in them; Dena, where’s your puke bucket? (this is how fear affects me); bottled water and canned foods – CHECK (and we have a lot of canned peaches); don’t stand in THIS spot because heavy kitchen appliances could crush you if the first floor collapses. By the time late March comes along, I’ll have managed to spruce up the basement right and proper. And probably come up with a seating chart.
Here’s the thing – I like my panic to be appropriately directed. Worrying about what to eat if my roof is blown off should not be on my mind while worrying about whether or not my roof is about to be blown off. See what I mean? It’s a waste of panic-energy. Considering certain things NOW so my adrenaline-induced panic (or is it the other way around: panic-induced adrenaline?) can consider real-time events later is how I’d rather spend my time.
I’m no doomsday prepper, which is evidenced by my inability to do basic domestic tasks (canning, sewing, ironing, or even frying things in oil). It’s just that I’ve had an anxiety disorder my whole life. Some people might think my concerns are a little ridiculous, but they should at least appreciate the efficiency of such actions.
So while I’m getting a little tired of winter myself, I know what’s coming next. Spring and tornadoes! And after that, it’s summer! With summer comes the hot winds that feel like a hairdryer and temperatures that soar over 100 degrees. Dust storms and nighttime lightning. Fruit-salad hail! And more oddly named weather terms!
It’s apparent to me now that Oklahoma has made me a more efficient worrier.